October 17

Banned Cocktail Week


In Honor of Banned Books Week, We Put Together a List of Banned Cocktails Totally Made Up.

It’s Banned Books Week, and as usual, our minds drifted to cocktails – Banned Cocktails, to be exact. We weren’t thinking so much about cocktails banned for their ingredients, though, like Death in the Afternoon or the original formulation of Four Loco. We began thinking about banned cocktail names for Banned Cocktail Week. A quick survey of the office brought up a list of not-so-safe-for-work drink names, and we thought we’d share.

The Baby Jessica

It’s basically a variation of a Mind Eraser. The idea is you drink it through a straw. This was banned because my manager at the time thought it was “too soon.” On second thought, I probably should have held back on this idea until the upcoming 30th anniversary.

Layer in a glass of rocks and serve with a straw oz Titos Vodka2oz Caffe del Fuego Coffee Liqueur (only available in Texas)2oz lime soda.

The Paul Harvey Wallbanger

I can leave no pun alone, especially if it involves an obscure reference. If you’re under the age of 50, you’ve probably never even heard of Paul Harvey. He was known for a syndicated segment called “The Rest of the Story,” in which he told a story with some little-known fact not revealed until the end. My manager thought this was just too obscure and wanted to name it after the show instead.

Variation of a Harvey Wallbanger. Build in a glass of ice:1 1/2oz Old Gran-Dad 1143oz freshly squeezed orange juice1/2oz Galliano

The Rye-Curious Cocktail

Another variation, this time a Manhattan with the vermouth, switched out. I really wanted the name, but my manager made me change it. When I asked if we “could try it both ways,” he was unamused.

Build in a shaker, stir, and serve up in a cocktail glass:2oz Rittenhouse Rye Whiskey1oz Averna3 dashes of Peychaud’s bittersCherry and a lemon twist for garnish

What cocktail names have you seen unjustly censored? Let us know in the comments!

About the author

Jack Hott

Some say Jack Hott was born in a restaurant. Others say he wasn’t born at all but discovered behind a Hobart stand mixer. Wherever he comes from, he’s made a career out of only being a good enough employee to skate by in the restaurant industry since the mid-90s. Jack Hott, if that’s even his real name, has gotten lost in walk-ins, stared into the abyss of pizza ovens, spilled red wine on white linen tablecloths, and shaken cocktails he was supposed to stir. If you can find him on social media, for your own safety, please do not follow him.