November 6

Wine Note Mad Libs

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Writing a good wine note is a subtle art – And what’s more subtle than Mad Libs?

As part of our serious and not-so-serious educational articles about wine, here are a few templates for writing a good wine note:

The wine has a [color] tint and shows a [pretentious adjective] brightness and clear edges. On the nose it expresses a [type of rock] minerality with a [collective noun] of [type of flowers no one has heard of].  The wine’s palate is redolent of [fruit], [vegetable] and [Proustian memory of a distant childhood].  The finish is long and shows a character of [something carcinogenic] and [French Village] making it a pure expression of terroir.  [Completely arbitrary number between 80 and 100] Points.

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This next wine is from [place name] and its personality shows elements of [root vegetable], [orchard fruit] and [type of berry only found in the Rheingau].  Its aromas imply [type of highly flammable liquid] and [inanimate noun]. Its [adjective] flavor strongly implies the [primitive farming method that was invented by an Austrian in 1924] practices of the winemakers. This highly collectable wine appears on the wine lists of [famous American chef], [Famous European Chef] and [Famous American Chef with an inexplicable European accent]. This is a must buy and should be held for up to [number between 0 and the age of consent in Poland] years.

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Our last wine is a robust example of [American state name] wines. This [present indicative verb] region has been a [religious location] for wine lovers from across the world. Its color is a deep [noun] red with a nose of [random spice] and burnt [name of national forest]. Once you take a sip you’ll never taste anything again for [amount of time] due to its high [chemical intoxicant] levels. Banned in [American state] this wine can also be used as [type of transportation] fuel. Only [number of members of the US House of Representatives] bottles are produced creating a [adjective] aftermarket for these wines. A bottle recently sold for [the number of Cleveland Brown’s quarterbacks since 1999] [unit of national currency].

 


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About the author

Some say Jack Hott was born in a restaurant. Others say he wasn’t born at all but discovered behind a Hobart stand mixer. Wherever he comes from, he’s made a career out of only being a good enough employee to skate by in the restaurant industry since the mid-90s. Jack Hott, if that’s even his real name, has gotten lost in walk-ins, stared into the abyss of pizza ovens, spilled red wine on white linen tablecloths, and shaken cocktails he was supposed to stir. If you can find him on social media, for your own safety, please do not follow him.

About the author

Some say Jack Hott was born in a restaurant. Others say he wasn’t born at all but discovered behind a Hobart stand mixer. Wherever he comes from, he’s made a career out of only being a good enough employee to skate by in the restaurant industry since the mid-90s. Jack Hott, if that’s even his real name, has gotten lost in walk-ins, stared into the abyss of pizza ovens, spilled red wine on white linen tablecloths, and shaken cocktails he was supposed to stir. If you can find him on social media, for your own safety, please do not follow him.

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