The start of Summer signifies long days and crazy nights for Restaurant workers — This is the time to consult your July horoscope.
As we’ve passed through the summer solstice — a time when mornings awaken as early as nights fall late — those who work in restaurants can find symbolism in the summer sun that brings days of hard, long and relentless work upon us. These are the busy months and so, some will feel the benefits of the sun’s warm rays shine favorable upon them, while others will experience the full range of the sun’s wrath — leaving many burnt to ash. What will your July horoscope be?
Aries
This week, one man’s broken ice machine is another man’s profit. Don’t let negligence get in the way of your sales and Martha’s fifth margarita.
Taurus
While you’re not particularly known for being thoughtful, it’s pretty tactless to mention temperature while other coworkers are slow roasting to golden crispy perfection in a 150 degree kitchen.
Gemini
Last year, you were praised for suggesting the placement of golf tees in liquor pours to ward off pesky fruit flies. This year, you get a surprise 25 top one hour before closing.
Cancer
“Rosé all day” is not a good motto for you, but “Pedialyte to make ya feel alright” might be.
Leo
If you begin to notice customers looking at you strangely, know that it’s only because the patio misters your boss installed are making you look like a sweaty, frizzy, lost degenerate.
Virgo
Lisa met someone in Cancun last weekend and is – and I know this sounds crazy – getting married so she really needs you to cover her whole week of July 22nd because it’s her wedding after all and even though you were going camping you wouldn’t say no to covering her for her wedding, right? Because you’re not a horribly selfish and heartless person, right?
Libra
Your grilled lamb chop special is going to be a “crowd pleaser”, opening up the potential for a meaningful, yet possibly back-handed compliment from Chef… You should be proud and confused.
Scorpio
When your air conditioner breaks, you’ll discover 5 employees hanging out in the walk-in while you’re showing the Health Inspector around. As Pluto enters the 9th house on July 20th let the word Proactive soak in – karma’s a bitch and you can only blame yourself.
Sagittarius
As the summer sun beams her ever-scorching rays, you will find yourself experiencing a stretch of heavy lethargy. I hear shotgunning a red bull helps.
Capricorn
You will discover a small, morbid, yet pleasantly consoling place deep within your mind this coming week as a coping mechanism when dealing with a customer who cannot eat most things on your menu, doesn’t want the things they can eat on your menu and then proceeds to create their own dish based on ingredients of things on your menu.
Aquarius
Challenge yourself to let the little things slide, more specifically letting go of uncovering who keeps throwing out your water cup.
Pisces
When I say drink like a fish I’m not just being ironic, I’m also being very, very literal. I cannot stress this enough — you’re going to need to stay hydrated in the kitchen this summer so drink plenty of water.
