The earth has made its transition around the sun, and begins a new journey on a well known path.
Like the earth, we too must evaluate our return to familiar beginnings, yet contemplate the past that we started a year before. With the sun in Saturn we are offered another opportunity to seize that which was not accomplished, to let go of that which has outstayed its welcome and to embrace that which we cannot foresee.
Let us delay no further, here is the January Horoscope for restaurant workers.
Aries
With Jupiter in the 8th house new jobs opportunities will become available to you. Remember that eyes are the window to the soul — commit to making 30 second eye contact with every future coworker you meet, even if it’s awkward. This will help you choose the right path.
Taurus
I sense by the week of the 5th, you will still have, “Jingle bell Rock” stuck in your head from the dreadful holiday playlist your manager played all of December. This will cause you to fail dry January, again. There’s always 2021.
Gemini
Get excited for the constant stream of debaucherous 5-8 tops that come in fifteen minutes before close randomly throughout the week of January 23rd because of the winter jazz fest at the local park your manager forgot to mention.
Cancer
If you click that tong one more time I swear this year will be over before it’s even begun cancer.
Leo
Practice makes perfect, and who really cares if you look crazy laughing to yourself on the train — you’ve got to get that fake laugh down to make money this January.
Virgo
Dry January has you down, but on a positive note — your coworkers seem to like you more now and generally find you more bearable.
Libra
Your first mistake of this year is agreeing to make that one server special food. Now you’ll be answering to the creative whim of every FOH staffer for the rest of the month.
Scorpio
Your New Year’s resolution was to have more patience. But we’ll see how long that lasts when you finally get to serve Dave the regular who keeps commenting on how he hopes you don’t charge him for his drink because the other waiters never do.
Sagittarius
Rejoice! That host who always triple sat you one minute, then neglected your section the next has finally decided to move on.
Capricorn
This January you will aquire a new outlook on not giving a fuck, which oddly enough actually allows you to be a better server than before.
Aquarius
A new year, a new you, a new reason to tell Pisces you’re tired of picking up their slack and if they want to be a part of the team they better start acting like it.
Pisces
You are in for an awakening when Aquarius makes it known that you are 1. Not a part of the team and 2. Side work is not just voluntary tasks when things are slow, but that it’s actually a daily part of your job.
