The stars have much to say with another leap year upon us — what will the next four years have in store for you?
Much like our galaxy, life is marked by cyclic motion. Days lead to nights, nights into days, and fall turns to winter to spring to summer — only to land us where we have already been before. Beginnings and endings go on forever with a persistence that blurs the familiar births and rebirths that are continuous in our lives.
Leap year represents yet another cycle of life and time. While commonly taken for granted, leap years play a major role in the movements of the stars. Consult this Leap Year Horoscope to see what the next four years hold for you.
Aries
Four years ago, that one really annoying regular moved away. This leap year, he’s back and eager to become your number one regular again. The planets suggest you will be learning a lesson in boundaries.
Taurus
After four years go by, it will dawn on you one day that you no longer work with anyone you recognize. Complacency is a choice Taurus, and this is your wake up call.
Gemini
Four years from today, you still won’t know who’s been throwing out your water cup all this time.
Cancer
I see big career developments for you in the next four years Cancer, but first you must conquer telekinesis in order to manipulate time to the will of your tardiness.
Leo
This leap year will bring forth unwelcome news. Your bar has been chosen for the Flat Earthers monthly meet up — where they invalidate facts with science they found on the 5th page of google.
Virgo
You will ruin your favorite black shirt due to a coworker’s failure to properly screw on the lid to the bleach bottle. The stars predict a new project/mission for you to hunt down the idiot that doesn’t know how to screw on a lid to a fucking bleach bottle and give them your two cents – even if it’s four years after the fact.
Libra
In the next four years your crushtomer will get married, have a midlife crisis and ultimately get a divorce. If you play your cards right, they might even recognize you as “the server at that one place” when you serendipitously end up in the same checkout line at the grocery store.
Scorpio
The effort you put in to showing up early every day, always having your prep done in advance, and winning over your boss’s hard-earned trust will be rewarded with…more work.
Sagittarius
Your secret snack spot, the one you spent the last four years trying to find, will be discovered by your boss. Like the plants that are in a constant eternal orbit, you will find yourself once again looking for a new snack spot.
Capricorn
Through your keen sense of smell, you will find a forgotten snack hidden away on an inconspicuous shelf. The fact that you feel so betrayed by an employee who is snacking instead of working proves that intermittent fasting is not a good choice for you.
Aquarius
Telling your mom you’ve been swamped because a line cook quit will not be reason enough for her to forgive you for missing her birthday two years in a row.
Pisces
Find support in your coworkers. Like a school of fish, you work better when you work together avoiding the bloodthirsty customers that behave like they’ve never eaten out in a restaurant before.
