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St. Patrick’s Day Horoscope

St. Patrick's Day

March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day. Prepare for the madness by consulting your Daily Horoscope.

Sitting in limbo between the rise of Neptune and the forthcoming March Equinox, St. Patrick’s Day falls on a time of indulgence and vulgarity, awakening an impulsive need for excess in many of the signs. Are you prepared for the tidal wave of drunk patrons clad in green? Are you ready to serve indecent amounts of green beer and non-denominational Powers Whiskey? Are you ready to not ask everyone you see why it’s ok to call a shot the “Irish Car Bomb”? Consult the stars to learn what to expect this coming St. Patrick’s Day.

Aries
They say it’s the little things that matter and in your case, they really do matter this St. Patrick’s Day. Beware of your surroundings in the kitchen; the stars predict that Lisa will clumsily drop a strand of green plastic beads on the floor. These exact beads will disrupt your path while carrying a pot of Corned Beef that’s been brining to perfection for the last 10 days.

Taurus
Generally you can handle a lot of stress, Taurus, but this St. Patrick’s Day your peaceful demeanor will be put to the ultimate test. On top of the customers shouting for pints of Guinness that your establishment doesn’t have (they made green beer with Michelob instead), you will basically spend the night as an adult-sitter telling grown ass people not to jump on tables and taking away bottles of Tullamore Dew they snuck in. If you can maintain your inner peace on this day Taurus, then you can truly take on any troubles.

Gemini
Some might say you’ve got the Luck of the Irish this St. Patrick’s Day since you will have the night off!  But, beware of too much of a good thing (or time). You’ll likely feel like death Monday morning, causing you to question whether or not you actually are dead and this is just what hell feels like. On top of that, like most days after every drinking holiday — the kitchen will be chaotic. Nothing will be where it should be and you will need to prep everything right away. Adding an extra point in favor of your hypothesis that you might actually be dead and are just now realizing it.

Cancer
With Saturn entering retrograde things are going to get hectic for you Cancer and it all starts March 17th which just happens to be St. Patrick’s Day. Your line cook is going to call in and since it’s fucking madness on the floor, you’re understaffed and tickets are coming out the ear, mistakes are going to be made. Make sure you keep an extra eye out for your crew this day, especially Aries and the corned beef that you’ve been patiently brining for the last 10 days.

Leo
SURPRISE! Your mom and all her girlfriends are coming in tonight wasted and they will proceed to yell your name across the room for no reason other than they’re very excited to be out and very excited to let the whole bar know that they’re your mom or your mom’s friend.

Virgo
You love a good party, and with your social circle pressuring you to get St. Patrick’s Day off, you will ask everyone to cover your shift. Unfortunately no one will take the bait, but you won’t have to go into work till later, so you can still have a good time hanging out before work! Just remember to set your alarm when you take a nap before your shift, we told you last time that you might be needing a financial boost soon – don’t let a little negligence be the cause of financial hardship.

Libra
You will be off to a great start on St. Patrick’s Day. You have a giving spirit and tend to enjoy working holidays like this, when everyone is having a good time. Toward the end of your shift though, things may take an unexpected turn if you don’t check the kitchen hood in the next few weeks. Although most of the guests will be too drunk to notice, the additional smoke will just create chaos among your staff.

Scorpio
We know you love St. Patricks Day Scorpio, you will even plan a whole menu around the holiday. There will be: Irish Brown Bread, Beef and Guinness Pie, Irish Potato Soup and of course, Corned Beef and Cabbage. But keep your spirits up if most of your co-workers ignore your enthusiasm on March 17th…some might even avoid you all together. Things will be back to normal the following week as your holiday obsessiveness will wear off — at least till right before the 4th of July.

Sagittarius
On your mission to be promoted to Server, you will do whatever it takes. Though you don’t really celebrate St. Patrick’s Day or even care, with your cut-throat competitiveness you’ll come up with a plan of success. You know your Manager is obsessed with any holiday. So, in an attempt to outshine your competition you will over-do the green, the glitter and even wear some ridiculous hat… your co-workers might laugh today, but we’ll see who’s laughing after you’re made server.

Capricorn
We know you like working FOH because it means there’s no separation between your work clothes and street clothes; they’re all black anyways. But don’t start complaining when people begin drawing attention to the fact that you’re not wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day.  You know better and you only have yourself to blame, Capricorn.

Aquarius
Well. We told you not to cry in the utility closet and you did so what do you expect? You won’t get to work St. Patrick’s Day this year because the Manager doesn’t know if you can handle the stress. While this does mean you get to go out and have fun, be mindful that your co-workers don’t start to resent you for getting the night off they all wanted.

Pisces
On St. Patrick’s Day you will have an experience where you will believe you saw a Leprechaun materialize out of the Irish Potato Soup… no one will believe you. St. Patrick’s Day is hard on everyone, but your two fish companions tell us that you haven’t been sleeping much lately, so take care of yourself, Pisces.

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