July 11

Tacopalooza Sponsored by Deutsche Bank and the Sheinhardt Wig Company

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Hello!

We’re excited to reach out to you about participating in the most important food festival of the year: Tacopalooza sponsored by Deutsche Bank and the Sheinhardt Wig Company. We’re only asking the best of the best to showcase themselves to foodies, major influencers, and also lesser influencers who we went to college with and gave free passes to. This is your opportunity to get your restaurant in front of people who rarely, if ever, drive to your part of town because they are worried about parallel parking on public streets.

What makes Tacopalooza sponsored by Deutsche Bank and the Sheinhardt Wig Company different? We tap into a unique culinary community of makers, tasters and entrepreneurs who believe in local sustainable foodways. We believe in people and stories – especially Instagram stories – that have the power of meaningful connection. We believe food is a valuable resource that should be available to all people across class and culture who can afford our $299 ticket price ($499 VIP tix still available!)

Requisite badly framed image of shit on crackers
Requisite badly framed image of shit on crackers

To join the Tacopalooza sponsored by Deutsche Bank and the Sheinhardt Wig Company family, all you have to do is provide and serve 550 samples of your cuisine during our Lockheed Martin Power Hour Taco Tournament. Samples must include a protein, be easy to eat without utensils, be peanut-free (due to ongoing litigation with our former sponsor International Peanut Farmers of America), and be served on or in some sort of foldable edible disk. We recommend having up to 4 staff members to handle the crowds of eager eaters. Please note our Lockheed Martin Power Hour Taco Tournament is open to the public for 5 hours.

To help defray your costs, we’re prepared to offer each of our participants a $75.25 food budget and 3 free passes for you and your staff. Additional passes are available to you at our friends and family rate of $299.

We look forward to welcoming you to Tacopalooza sponsored by Deutsche Bank and the Sheinhardt Wig Company! When you participate, you’re not only elevating your own profile, but helping us support our vaguely mentioned non-profit partners like that one group with farmers and children or something… but don’t worry about that right now it’s more a tax status issue anyway.

MILLENNIALS!
MILLENNIALS!

About the author

Jack Hott

Some say Jack Hott was born in a restaurant. Others say he wasn’t born at all but discovered behind a Hobart stand mixer. Wherever he comes from, he’s made a career out of only being a good enough employee to skate by in the restaurant industry since the mid-90s. Jack Hott, if that’s even his real name, has gotten lost in walk-ins, stared into the abyss of pizza ovens, spilled red wine on white linen tablecloths, and shaken cocktails he was supposed to stir. If you can find him on social media, for your own safety, please do not follow him.


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