At this point I don’t have to tell you that the stars are suggesting you should stay home, but wait – there’s more! Find out what your Quarantine Horoscope has in store for you.
We are all connected on this planet, in this universe and to all the things within. As those around you subconsciously influence your emotions and decisions, so do the planets. Currently, Jupiter, Mars, Neptune, Saturn, Mercury (damn you), Uranus and Venus all happen to be in retrograde at the same time — which is really putting things into a tailspin out there. While one thing is for sure — we must stay home for the time being — there is more in store for you during this quarantine period. Consult your quarantine horoscope to see what the universe has planned for you.
Aries
Take the time during this quarantine to finally get acquainted with your long-lost kitchen — it will be a relationship you won’t regret.
Taurus
I sense you will be getting in touch with your creative side as you discover a passion for knitting the new spring line of garments for the community of squirrels in your backyard.
Gemini
As productivity is lacking, you will find yourself busy thinking of ways to keep busy — but you still won’t take the trash out on time.
Cancer
Even in quarantine, you’ll still have to find the perfect snack spot to stash away your favorite treat from either your kids or your roommates (basically the same thing).
Leo
You will reach new levels of boredom that will revert your personality to the fourteen-year-old self that found shadow puppets fascinating.
Virgo
You will finally beat your work’s kitchen record for the quickest completion of prep… except alone, with no one around to see. Keep practicing — someday soon your glory will be acknowledged.
Libra
As you rediscover your love for World of Warcraft, the whole quarantine will be over and you will wake up out of your trance feeling as if only a day has gone by — although your appearance would say otherwise.
Scorpio
Luckily for you, chef pants are basically pajama pants so you can feel somewhat productive even while you’ve just been binge watching Tiger King all day.
Sagittarius
The bad news: pandemic, quarantine. The good news: that rash on your hands from the sanitation bucket will finally clear up right before it’s time to go back to work.
Capricorn
You know when you start placing your dog’s toys around the house to pretend you’re taking orders from customers that this quarantine has gone on too long. Try some meditative exercises to find balance for your busy mind.
Aquarius
Out of all the quarantine challenges out there, you will become particularly good at — and a little too enthusiastic for — the “shotgun a beer” challenge.
Pisces
Scientists have not declared any known cases of COVID-19 among fish species, so you can sleep easy tonight.
