With nothing to say on Thanksgiving Day, we created a list of the top 5 things to be thankful for, so you don’t have to.
Thanksgiving is here, the gateway holiday that skyrockets time straight through all the other holidays and lands us swiftly into the New Year. Whether you’re ready or not, the busy season has commenced. So if you’ve been too busy pulling doubles to digest what you’re thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, we’ve got a list for you!
Money
Who needs to spend time with family and friends when you could be profiting on all those psychos desperately searching for an open restaurant so they can get a meal before camping outside Best Buy waiting for the Black Friday sale to start.
Kayne West’s Interview with David Letterman
David Letterman’s Netflix special, “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” with Kayne West provided a much needed “ah ha” moment for many of us profoundly confused by the pop star.
Popeye’s fried chicken sandwich
The release of Popeye’s chicken sandwich caused an uproar in our nation — and perhaps gave us an important reminder that we can agree on something as a nation, if only on one thing: Fried Chicken Sandwiches. Now that restaurants all over are jumping on board, you never have to stray too far to get your fix.
Pizza is a vegetable
In 2011 and through its association with tomato paste, Pizza became a vegetable! I’m sure there are naysayers out there, but to this day I consider each and every slice of pizza with an eighth of a cup of tomato paste on it a full serving of vegetables, along with my french fries.
Easily triggered family members
Sometimes the best job during Thanksgiving dinner is stirring the pot — figuratively. Considering the current political mood, it’s never been easier to avoid conversations about your love life and which of your high school friends are already having children. If your family gets too nosy, just ask in a cheery, but nonchalant voice if ‘the turkey is free-range this year.’
Uncle: MiLlEnnIAls ARe KilLing FArmERs!
Mom: Oh no! My turkey isn’t good enough!
Younger sister: MEAT IS MURDER!!!
Now you can sit back and pour the gravy on your potatoes in peace. Happy Thanksgiving!
